there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
