I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
