Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
