I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
