He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a search helicopter?!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
