The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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