So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
