He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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