Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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