i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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