My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
