I'm gonna have a badass scar
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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