Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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