I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
