would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
