I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the raccoons are back...
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