THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
