So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My bed smells like the plague
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
