I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
