Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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