haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize