there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
