I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
