i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
