it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
