I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Im part way to drunk.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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