I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
