her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
