I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
