i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
