I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
