So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
