Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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