i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
