remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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