If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
