Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
