It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize