dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
