i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
