Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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