What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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