I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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