i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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