I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
