your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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