My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
