At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
