At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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