just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
