I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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