He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
