I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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