I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
