Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize