in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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