ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
