chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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