I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
