k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize