carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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