you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
