Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize