You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
