Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
