That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Need sex. Gaining weight.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
