hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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