one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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