just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
