just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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