FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize