my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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