I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
