I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
