Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
