it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
