I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize