Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
