garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
