Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
whose ass print is on the piano?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize