Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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