you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
