College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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