My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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