nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
