I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
