I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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