i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
