I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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