The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
