I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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