Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
