Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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