Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize