So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
