Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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