I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
